T(r)oy's Marbles
reading between the lines
I was over at Jay's the other day and he handed me a magazine: the latest issue of Leadership Journal. I was delighted. Normally, I get the chance to read an article here and there (either online or copied for me by Jay), but I do not customarily have the chance to leaf through the entire magazine in a "leisurely" fashion. I put 'leisurely' in quotation marks because, in all actuality, I read through 80 percent of it yesterday alone.
For the most part, I find Leadership Journal helpful and inspiring. I take away lots of thought-provoking ideas and, in many cases, I'll try out the practical suggestions they make.
This time, however, I came away from reading the magazine with some mixed feelings. On the one hand, I felt, as usual, inspired and encouraged. But, on the other hand, there were some things in this issue (not front and center kind of things, mind you, but there nonetheless) that left me feeling a certain kind of dis-ease.
One reason I felt this has to do with what I'll talk about now. (Perhaps tomorrow I'll talk about another thing that concerned me).
Look at this picture. It's on page 53. It's an ad for Willow Creek's annual Leadership Summit. In particular, note the line-up of main speakers for the event.
Turn two pages. Page 55, another leadership conference ad. This one is called Straight Up Ministry Leadership Conference. Take a look. Again, note the line-up of main speakers. This time there are five.
Turn now to the back section of the magazine. There, on page 111: another leadership conference. This one is specifically focused on "next generation leaders". It is called "Catalyst Reverb" and it will have a total of 10 speakers (you can't see the speaker furthest to the left in this photo, but he's there). (Also, note: if you register online, you can win "FREE APPLE GEAR", including iphones, ipods, ibooks, itunes, and Apple TVs). At any rate, here is the ad:
My count: 3 leadership conferences, 24 speakers in all. (Of course, I'm sure there will be other speakers/teachers at these conferences--for example, in special-interest seminars and break-out sessions. In that case, the number of teachers will likely be much greater, but the point is: who are the "main" speakers?) 24. 24 big guns.
Among them: one woman. Just one. (As my wife would say, "You go, girl!")
So, that got me to thinking: "I wonder how many articles in this issue are authored by women."
I leafed through the magazine and found...
One. Sort of. It's an interview of a woman who co-authored a novel. We don't know, in fact, if the interviewer was a man or a woman.
The really interesting part of this is: the interview is about a book she wrote called Desperate Pastors' Wives.
Co-author Ginger Kolbaba, says this about the book's theme:
"The characters in our book are all desperate for something: love, faith, peace, fulfillment. They all live in the fishbowl of pastoral ministry. Their husbands don't understand the stress of being a pastor's wife, and they have no one to turn to. So these four women from different churches, different denominations start meeting together. They drive 40 miles out of town to meet at a small café. It's the one place where the façade can come down."
When asked what kind of research she and her co-author did to write the book, Kolbaba answers: "As a pastor's kid, I'm familiar with the struggles of pastors' families. And in my role as editor [of Marriage Partnership magazine], I receive hundreds of letters from pastors' wives who have nobody to go to, and so they come to us. We interviewed women and surveyed their blogs, and we found there really is an underlying desperation in many of their marriages and relationships.
"We also studied the polls. Global Pastors Network reports that 80 percent of pastors' wives say they feel left out and unappreciated by church members. You talk about desperate--that statistic really threw me: 80 percent? That's a lot of hurting, isolated women.
"And 84 percent of pastors' wives feel unqualified and discouraged in their roles. More than half of pastor's wives said the most devastating thing that happened to their marriage was entering the ministry."
Interviewer: "Do you think pastors would be surprised to know their wives are this unhappy?"
Kolbaba: "Yes. Ministry wives face problems of calling and expectation. He's called, but is she? She is expected to be a role model and a first lady and to keep her whole family in perfect order. Everything she does and says reflects on her husband's ministry, and I don't think the men understand the stress that places on a woman. Their whole identity can be wrapped up in being the pastor's wife, and they begin to lose themselves, who they are.
"And they have nowhere to go. If you're a pastor's wife and you're really ticked off at your husband because he isn't helping at home or he works too much or he's inadequate in bed, you can't go to the pastor to discuss it. You can't tell other women in the church."
Interviewer: "In your story you advocate the 'safe place,' where the pastors' spouses can open up in a protected environment."
Kolbaba: "We found safe places on blogs, dozens of sites where pastors' wives are writing anonymously to get the toxins out of their systems. But how much real community is there on the Web?"
...............
This article gave me chills. Interface the hidden (if unintentional) message of the leadership conference ads with the explicit message of Kolbaba's book/interview. Doesn't it just make you shiver?
Question: what are we doing to the Body of Christ? Where and when are women with gifts of leadership and teaching allowed to have a voice?
We push them into a corner and tell them to stay there. We say to them: "You can influence this much, but no more."
We do this in "hushed tones", mind you, because we don't want anyone to think us bigots. We do this not by what we say, but by what we don't say. It is perhaps more a sin of omission than a sin of commission. But it is a sin, nonetheless.
And, meanwhile, male leaders are empowered, given carte blanche, and churches grow. And, as long as we get what we want, and what we feel God wants, we keep doing it. We keep silhouetting the MAN worshipping, one of 10,000 CATALYSTS that will be raised up to establish churches with 10,000 men and women members, but only one woman teacher.
And while the "church" marches on, women leaders are left in the shadows, feeling (in Kolbaba's words)...
"left out and unappreciated..."
"desperate..."
"unqualified and discouraged in their roles..."
"hurting, isolated..."
Is it any wonder that "they begin to lose themselves, who they are"?
This is my prayer: "Dear God, what have we done? What has become of us? What has become of your church? Forgive me. Forgive us all. Forgive us for hurting your precious children, our dear sisters in Christ. Help us encourage and support ALL those you bless with gifts of leadership and teaching, women included. Teach us to weep about this, God. Teach us to see this from your perspective, to see that we are, in effect, amputating half of the Body. I'm sorry, Lord, for times when I myself have done this. Please help me to change. Help us to fan into flame one another's gifts, to encourage one another, to stop hurting one another, to support one another, to cheer on the forgotten. In Jesus' name, Amen."
journal | Comments (1) | September 22, 2007
Comments
troy - thanks for this post and taking us along so clearly through the magazine with you - and for reading between the lines. I recently read another similar appraisal of christianity today (by someone who often writes for ct) that i thought you might find interesting - you can find it here http://jenellparis.blogspot.com/ by scrolling down to "Do you like being repressed? I don't"
Posted by: apriltgc at September 24, 2007 11:28 AM