T(r)oy's Marbles

(At opening, we see Renanda talking to Max. She looks normal, but something is obviously upsetting her.)

Renanda: Max (sigh) why don’t you (sigh)…um…why don’t (sigh)…um…Max (sigh) oh I don’t know (sigh)…

Max: What is it?

Renanda: Well (sigh) I just don’t know (sigh)…why don’t you go (sigh) um…(sigh) Well (sigh) I don’t know what (sigh)…

Max: What do you want me to do?

Renanda: Well (sigh) I just want you to go get Mac and Brewster. (sigh)

Max: Oh, okay.

Nic: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You’re not supposed to say that, Dad. You’re supposed to say that Brewster is sick.

Me: Oh, okay.

Max: Brewster is sick.

Renanda: (acting surprised) Oh, that’s too bad. Where is he?

Max: He’s at the doctor’s.

Nic: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He’s not at the doctor’s; he’s at the hospital.

Me: Oh, okay.

Max: He’s at the hospital.

Renanda: Oh, well.

Nic: Okay, now Max and Renanda go over to Mac’s.

(Max and Renanda move to the other side of the bed, where Mac is).

Mac: Hi, Dad.

Max: Hi, Son.

Mac: Um, Dad?

Max: Yes, Son.

Mac: Can we go to the park?

Me: (knowing that if I get this wrong I’ll be corrected) What should I say? Yes or no?

Nic: (thinking) Um…say no.

Me: Okay.

Max: No.

Mac: Oh, Dad. Please!

Me: What should I say now? Yes or no?

Nic: No.

Me: Okay.

Max: No.

Mac: Oh, but Dad. Please can we go to the park?

Max: No, Son. I’m sorry.

Nic: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That’s not what you’re supposed to say, Dad. You’re supposed to say “All right”.

Me: (confused) All right.

Max: (as if he’s saying ‘of course; now I see the light’) All right.

Mac: Whoopee! Let’s go.

Nic: (motioning to nowhere in particular) Okay, now this is where the park is. This (pointing to an etch-a-sketch leaning against his toy storage unit) will be the slide. And this (grabbing the crank we use to raise and lower our window blinds) will be the swing. And…

Me: (pointing to a red wire storage rack) That can be a climbing thing.

Nic: Okay.

(Mac proceeds to play, launching himself off the slide, straight onto the climbing rack. He jumps off the climbing rack straight onto the “swing” and propels himself off the swing straight onto the slide. Then he repeats the whole circuit about 6 times more. On the final circuit he “falls” off the “swing”, violently).

Max: (really worried) Son, are you okay?

Mac: (said as if face-planting oneself in the dirt is as commonplace as eating Corn Flakes) Oh, yeah. I’m fine. Let’s go home.

(They all go back to the bed, which is “home”).

Mac: Um, Dad?

Max: Yes, Son.

Mac: Can we go destroy the battle station now?

Me: (trying to stifle my laughter)

Max: (thinking sarcastically “Yes, ‘destroying a battle station’ is also my favorite way to follow up a day in the park” but saying…) Um…okay, sure son. That sounds like a swell idea.

Nic: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, Dad. You’re not supposed to say that. You’re supposed to say No.

Me: Oh, okay.

Max: No, Son.

Mac: Oh, but Dad, why not?

Max: Because it’s too dangerous, Son.

Mac: But, Dad, I want to destroy the battle station. It’ll be okay, really.

Nic: Now you say “you might get killed”.

Max: You might get killed.

Mac: Oh, but Dad, the battle station needs to be destroyed!

Nic: Now you say “okay”.

Max: Okay, you can go destroy the battle station.

Mac: Whoopee! Let’s go.

Nic: Now they all go over to Nicolas and he will tell them how to destroy the battle station.

(All three characters go over to Nicolas, a bear).

Nicolas: Good evening, gentlemen. I will tell you how to destroy the battle station. First, you need to look out for the bad guys. They have shooters. And they will shoot you. And, you need to get into the battle station, close to the battle station, into the station. But there will be shooters and you must look out for the shooters because the shooters will shoot you, so look out for the shooters. When you get close to the battle station you need to look out for the shooters because they will shoot you because they have shooters that will shoot you. You need to get close to the hole. But look out for the shooters because they will shoot you because they have shooters. Get close to the hole and shoot it, shoot into the hole, but you must shoot into the hole and look out for the shooters, they must not shoot you. If you shoot into the hole, it will be destroyed the battle station. Good luck, and may the force be with you.

Nic: Okay, now they all go over to their ships.

(They all go over to their ships, but there is only one. It is made of some kind of multi-colored interlocking toy system).

Nic: Now, Max says to Mac to be careful.

Max: Be careful, Son.

Mac: I will, Dad.

Nic: And now he says “May the force be with you.”

Max: May the force be with you.

Mac: (said in a casual voice) Yeah, okay Dad.

(The scene changes. We are now on the Death Star. We see Darth Vader, played by the blue and red Transformer Optimus Prime, a Burger King toy prize. Vader’s back is turned. We also see one of the Storm Troopers, a yellow and black Transformer called Bumble Bee, another Burger King toy prize. We go to Burger King a lot. The Storm Trooper faces Vader. Vader turns…)

Vader: (breathing, but not sure what to say)

Nic: He should say “Yes?”.

Vader: (breathing) Yes?

Nic: Say “some ships are coming to destroy the battle station”.

Storm Trooper: Some ships are coming to destroy the battle station.

Nic: Okay, I’ll do this part now because it’s kind of long.

Vader: (now played by Nic) Use the shooters and then send some ships after them to shoot them down. They must not get near the hole or they will destroy the battle station.

Nic: Okay, now you say “Yes sir”.

Storm Trooper: Yes, sir.

(Troy and Nic use the new-fangled Lego-type toys as star ships, flying around the room, making shooting noises. There is also a black thingy Troy uses as a stationary “shooter”. In actuality, it is a device used to catapult another toy of Nic’s called Action Dog but Troy uses it without Action Dog in this instance. Bumble Bee, the Storm Trooper, mans the stationary shooter, trying to shoot down the good ship. Nic corrects Troy when Troy tries to rotate the black shooter, telling Troy the shooter needs to stay still. The shooter takes a few hits, and Nic pronounces that it is destroyed. The ships fight now. First, a couple “good guy” ships go down, then some bad guy ships, then some more good guy ships, then two bad guy ships, then Darth Vader’s ship arrives on the scene. He has two ships accompanying him, but because Troy and Nic have only one bad guy ship they have to use their imagination to make up the other two. Vader’s entourage goes down, leaving just Vader and Luke—ahem, Optimus Prime and Mac, the puppy dog. Mac nicks Vader’s ship with his blaster and Vader goes off into “space”, tumbling. Mac fires a shot into "the hole"--which is as big as a watermelon, which is pretty big considering the ships themselves are only the size of a pear--and the space station is destroyed. Mac lands back home. Renanda—ahem, Princess Leia—hugs and kisses him. Max—ahem, uh…Max—hugs his son and says…)

Max: I’m so proud of you, Son! WOOHOOO!

Mac: (in a casual voice) Yeah, okay, thanks Dad.

(Pause, as if Nic is at a loss for what to do next)

Mac: Okay, um, let’s go home now.

Max: Okay.

(They go “home”—ahem, to the bed—and Mac says…)

Mac: Let’s go get Brewster now. He’s at the hospital.

Max: Okay.

(Nic grabs a dinosaur and explains…)

Nic: This is the doctor.

Dino Doc: Come with me. I’ll take you to Brewster.

(They go to Brewster…)

Mac: Are you feeling better now, Brewster?

Brewster: Hm? Yeah, I think so.

Mac: Okay, let’s go home then.

(They all go home. Mac, Max and Brewster line up in front of Renanda. Renanda—ahem, Princess Leia again—bestows on each of them a medal of honor, even though Brewster was apparently sick during the whole battle. Mac lowers his head to receive his medal. Max lowers his head, then, significantly Renanda SMILES at Max and Max is instructed to SMILE BACK. Brewster receives his medal, then they are all told to bow. The play is over, a tear-jerker.)